I had always wondered if you really love an adopted child the same as your biological children. When my bio children were younger I couldn't help but question if I could love another child as much. I thought I could and I hoped I would but I didn't really know.
We waited for what seemed like years for our adoption placement. In reality it was less than a year but it seemed like forever. Then we got a call from our adoption agency. They wanted us to prayerfully consider a baby girl that had been presented to them. I say prayerfully because she had so many medical issues it was unreal.
I knew it was kind of crazy but I really believed this little girl would be our daughter. I was afraid to be excited. I was afraid it wasn't really Gods plan and that it was just my heart jumping all in as I tend to do.
The baby named Jamie had cystic fibrosis, she had hearing loss, she had some muscle issues, and they were not overly encouraging that she would develop normally. Her current foster family wanted her placed with a stay at home parent and a parent in the medical profession. Perfect right?
I would like to be able to tell you that in my heart I wanted to put myself aside and care for this child. The choice to adopt was never that for me. I love kids and I wanted another one! This wasn't the child I expected to come to our family. I really thought a fit throwing 2 year old was our future but that wasn't our path.
About a year ago I was reading an article on when and how adoptive parents attached to their babies. Some had a hard time and felt guilty and others attached and fell it love right away. It got me thinking about the way I came to love our little girl. No longer Jamie but my little Mary.
When I met Mary she lived with an amazing foster family. The parents specialized in babies with medical issues. I was blown away by the way they cared for Mary and by the way they welcomed me into their home. For over a week I came to their house every day and spent the day walking, rocking, feeding, and giving breathing treatments to our soon to be daughter. There in that living room under the glow of a beautiful Christmas tree fell in love with Mary. I didn't even know it at the time.
In the beginning it was so stressful with all of her appointments and doctors visits. I made mistakes and I struggled to learn about a health and education system that I didn't realized existed. Every specialty believes that their treatments and issues are the most important. Every special education teacher or clinic wants the child preforming at a standard I consider to be pretty high. My biggest job as her mom has been to sort this all out. Her cystic fibrosis is the most important. It turns out that her type of cystic fibrosis is pretty mild. When she has any illness in her chest we have to be careful but she is doing wonderfully.
Probably the most comical thing that I have been told was when she was a baby. I had an occupational therapist tell me that he had concerns about her movement and that she may never walk. Okay! He totally got me there. Mary doesn't walk. Mary runs, jumps, skips, crawls, twirls, and prances but walking, not so much.
He medical life is part of her but not all of her. There is so much more. I get to look at her and wonder what parts of herself she was born with and what parts she learned from our family. It doesn't matter at all I just wonder. Like if she lived with a calm family would she still be running around like a crazy lady and jumping of everything in sight? Did we teach her that? Would she crawl around in parking lots pretending to be a cat? Would she get that little impish smile when she is busy doing exactly what I told her not to do if she didn't live with us? It doesn't matter. I just wonder.
Mary has developed into a spitfire of a little girl. She pushes the limits, she is fast, and at times sneaky. She is a downright a bad influence for Baby Cutie! She is also fun. She smiles all the time and loves to sing. She is pretty good with nail polish. Oh wait... That was a big mess. She is totally exhausting but also amazing.
So this summer as she continually wakes me up before 5:30 I will try to remember that she is great. Well really I am thinking that next summer she will almost be 5. So lets say she is going to do this awful early wake up thing next summer like she is this summer and did last summer, isn't nearly 5 old enough to have a little independence? Or if there is still a lack of motivation to be alone in the morning perhaps she will want her big sister or brothers during the wee hours instead!
When I look at Mary now I don't see a child that feels like anything but my own. I know she is adopted and our plan is to be open with her about it but she belongs in our family. She always belonged in our family.
This is a picture of Mary having a breathing treatment. It is a routine thing in our home. She has them once a day as a preventative measure. She has been having them since she was an infant but most of the days when she gets them she still acts like it is killing her. There is kicking, screaming, and drooling. Today I tried it a new way. I had her help me set it up and we put the medications in together. She did great for a few minutes and then she started to freak out as usual. She started to scream for Chloe so Chloe being the compassionate sister she is came to sit with her. It was crazy! Mary sat with her sister and did her entire treatment. I actually went into the kitchen to do the dishes. It could be the start of something wonderful or it could be a cruel trick of Mary's and tomorrow we will be right back to the flailing and drooling!
Oh no! I just went out to the living room to get my phone cord. After Mary and Chloe had done such wonderful bonding today I decided maybe Mary was ready to have her first sleep over. I was so so so very wrong! She is bouncing off the walls and the sofa sleeper. I think I am in for a long evening. Wish me luck!
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