Me! Me! Me!

Me! Me! Me!

You got it. I was thinking about myself! Some of you might be aware of the that the last few years have been kind of rough around the Millar home. At times things seemed like too much but we got through.

This summer I decided would be different for our family. I would not be carting kids to camp and lessons. We would bond as a family! We had lots of beach days and many lazy days at home. The little girls went to preschool during the summer and Bret and I got some much needed time with the big kids.

I was sad to see summer ending but I saw so much hope in the school year. I would have the three older kids all at the same school and for the same hours. I would also have the little girls at the same school for the same hours. It was planned they would go to school three days a week from 7-12:30.


                              FREEDOM!!!!


Like all good and wonderful plans that happen in the Millar home things were quickly foiled! We started out great. For the first couple of weeks the schedule seemed golden. I would take the kids all to school and then I would have time for ME.

What did me time look like?      What does a mom of 5 do with all that freedom?

I ran! I love to run.

From the running however it only went downhill. I prepped dinners, I went grocery shopping, and I cleaned our house. I see other moms doing it. That's what you should do right? Well I didn't like it one bit! I would spend time prepping meals and cleaning my house only to have kids walk through the door complaining there was 'nothing' to eat while they left a trail of their belongings from the door, through the living room, and into the kitchen.

How rude! I can't believe my children ranging in age from 3-11 didn't appreciate my efforts.

With the new schedule I also wasn't getting any one on one time with Claire. After a couple of weeks I took her down to two days of preschool so we could hang out more. I was very excited with this change! Not long after that it became very obvious that I needed more help with Mary and her schooling. Mrs. Sandman graciously welcomed Mary into her Kinder class.

What the heck? I am a schedule girl! I love schedules! I love to make them and I love to follow them.


In little more than a month the year of ME disappeared. I would be lying if I told you I embraced this change. Okay, I didn't care so much about the cleaning or the meal prepping but my running time being swiped right from under my nose like that. I was so close! I would still hold onto my Monday morning run. I can drop the kids off at 8, meet up with friends, and run by the ocean. That's what I did for a few more weeks. It was nice.

Then one morning I was in Mary's class and she looked at me with her big brown eyes and asked me if I was helping and staying with her. I had some reservations in her ability to follow directions with me in there but she surprised me. The morning Mary asked me to work in her class is the morning I realized the importance of loving where I am in life right now.

Where am I now?

I know you were all worried but I still find time to run! Without it I might be crazy. Not just a little crazy, like people would run away when they saw me coming crazy.

I spend a lot of time with Claire. We go shopping, we clean, we play, and we snuggle up to watch Tarzan. It takes more time to shop with her but I find myself more satisfied. I didn't just buy food for my family. I chased Claire through a store! Bonding and attachment can take place in so many ways:)

The two mornings when Claire is at school isn't spent cleaning or taking care of family errands. Both mornings I work in my kids classes. When I am done there is usually time for a walk with a friend, or a cup of coffee and a snack alone.

Obviously on this plan my house is messier and we don't eat as well but I am happier. I am more fulfilled. I am realizing that I am not ready to move on. I don't want a big girl job. I don't want to go back to school. I will probably never ever be able to clean my house and prepare meals while my family is away. It makes me a bitter cranky little lady!

I have always wanted to be a mom. I am lucky I get to spend time working in the kids classes and pick them up when they get out of school. Bret and I were talking the other night and he asked me what I would have thought had I known where we would be at this point in our lives when we were first married. Honestly, I would have been shocked to know that at the age of 31 I would have three birth children and two adopted children. I wouldn't have just been shocked. I would have been envious of this future me.

One day I might have to grow up. I have many friends that go to school, volunteer, work, and teach. I know they are amazing mothers. I admire them for their abilities, and for the way they balance their passions, obligations, and still manage to be wonderful mothers. I see what they do and at times I think I am ready for a change, then something happens and I realize I am not ready.

I want to live in my little house and stay at home with my crazy kids. I want to play games and fight about screen time. I want to embarrass Bret at school and have Chloe chase after me for one more hug. I want Jackson to talk non-stop about a game of tag he and his friends made up at school. I want to struggle to get Mary in the car because she wants to give one more hug to her friend. Most of all I want to pick Claire up from preschool half an hour early so she doesn't hit her friends! A few months ago when I imagined what life with so much free time would be like I thought it would be glorious. Now when I look into the future and know that in a blink of an eye Claire will be in school full time, I can't help but feel a little knot in my stomach. Will I have to grow up?!?

Loving Claire!

Where to begin?!?

        Let's start with the blog. I love to write but that's not why I wanted to blog. I was grasping for an escape, an outlet, a place to forget the fear and anxiety I was battling.
 
        When I showed up with a new almost one year in tow at soccer practice I recited what our adoption agency told me to say. "This is Libby. We don't know how long she will be with us. Our focus right now is reunification with her parents."

        When a closer friend pulled me to the side and asked if we wanted to adopt her my answer was obviously yes. She continued to ask how long I thought the process would be. Once again I answered with what our adoption agency told us, 2 years. No one, not our adoption agency, not Libby's case worker, and certainly not us, thought the process would actually take this long!

        I love kids! I love many kids that aren't my own but loving my little Libby has been a much different process. It wasn't until the last month that I can say, "I love this child and I am glad she is here," and mean it in my heart.

        How can this be? Most of you know my kids. You've seen me chase Mary, racing to catch her before she reaches the street, in the process shedding sweaters and shoes. You've seen Jackson lock me out of our car in a fit of rage. You've seen Chloe put her sassy little hand on her hip and roll her eyes at me. It may even be possible you have seen Bret trip his brother and then play the victim when Jackson seeks revenge.

How could Libby be different?

How could her fits be worse than Jacksons?

How could it be harder to bond with her than it was with Mary?

 Having a child you are told to treat, support, and love as your own, while on the other hand supporting efforts to place the child back in a home, with parents you know can't properly care for her is one of the hardest things I have ever done!

        In an effort not to go insane with the what-ifs and fear that came with it I focused my efforts on being a good concurrent placement. Which means I did many things to support her parents in the process. I didn't do anything huge. Its was little things, sending in disposable cameras so they could take pictures, giving them updates verbally and in letters of her milestones and inviting the mother to join me at doctor appointments. I knew that my efforts wouldn't make a difference in the outcome of the case but it is where I focused my CRAZY.
 
        Her parents both started visits a month after she came to live with us. The fallout from them was awful. She came home throwing fits. Age appropriate right? No! No! No! They were so extreme she was honestly a danger to herself and anyone within slapping or head flinging distance. This went on for so long and still her parents were given another 6 months.

        Last summer was spent with Libby having 4-5 hour visits with her biological mom. Lucky for Libby she is young enough that she won't remember them. Unluckily for the visit supervisors they will never forget! Needless to say last summer wasn't a summer of fun.

        Now here we are a year later. Rights have been terminated and we are in the final phase. We are submitting our paperwork and waiting on an adoption day!

        I have been waiting for this summer like Mary waiting for Santa. We have no activities going on. This is our time! It's our time to regroup. Mary and Libby are in school 3 afternoons a week so our big three can get some much needed attention.

        When Libby comes home from school I am happy to spend the evening with her. She no longer slaps me in the face and flings her body on the ground. She loves to play babies, tea party, and swing. She loves her pony, blankets, and pacifier. She loves her brothers and sisters. She loves her room, the park, and the beach! She loves our family, now her family.

        Each story is different. I would have never thought it would take me so long to love her the way I know I should. It's almost unspeakable to admit such a thing.

        Here we are now celebrating bonding time with a family member we didn't know for sure would stay. There are so many things we didn't see or have control over for so long. The final piece of this beginning phase for me is her name. We planned to keep the name Libby, short for Liberty. The name given to her by her birth mother. I wanted to keep her name mostly because of you all.

Would our friends and family think it was crazy to change the name of a two and a half year old? Has she lost too much already? This is a time for fresh starts!

I would like to present Claire Linda Millar!

We are looking forward to adoption day when it will be official!

Thank you all for the variety of ways you have supported us over the last couple of years. An extra shout out to our adoption agency Hand in Hand and Minji one of our county social works! Sorry I may have been a pain in your rear April:)

The Husband!

          A wise woman once told me, "Marriage is a lot of work." When I shared this wisdom with my dad he shrugged it off with a laugh. The 16 year old version of myself decided to join good old dad in his chuckle and go about my day. My parents made marriage look easy, therefore it must be.

         There are some basic skills that I picked up from living with parents that loved and adored each other.

1. If you go to the kitchen always offer to grab your spouse something.
    At the very least they may need a cup of water.

2. Take walks together whenever possible.

3. Say, "I love you," often.

 

4. Share, share, and share some more. I'm not talking about your feelings or anything sappy. Share your dessert, your blankets, your car, your shampoo. There are so many things one could be selfish with!

That list could probably be added to but I think that will do.

          Since I've been married the sentence that wise woman once spoke comes to my mind often. It isn't nearly as easy as I thought it would be. In the beginning it seems like love alone will carry you anywhere. News flash! It won't!

 This topic began forming for me a few days ago. I had been out and about all day getting my nails done and having brunch. Nope, not that. I ran all over that day! Working in classrooms and grocery shopping among other things. I walked in the door at a little past 7 bringing Bret home from soccer practice. I was expecting to see a picked up house and some kids in bed. That was not the case.   

          The living room wasn't looking so hot but as I moved into the kitchen my head started to throb. Would it actually explode? It was a mess, and do you think Chloe and Jackson had eaten? Well maybe a little bit of brownie mix off of the spoon, but actual dinner..... Nope!

         Bret had in fact put Cutie and Mary to bed. That's one of his greatest joys of the day. After that time must have stood still. As I write this I know it sounds crazy to be so annoyed about the situation. They were having fun. They were bonding. Who needs dinner when you have love? The kids do!

          I held my crazy inside and planted myself on the couch. I will not freak out over brownies. I will not freak out over brownies. As I was busy holding in my crazy some vapors must have been sneaking out because Bret started to round up the kids and feed them various non-dinner items and send them to bed.

          When did I turn into a stick in the mud?

 

          Well I am pretty sure Bret and I just see things differently. He sees brownies and I see a huge mess. There isn't a bad or good or a right or wrong. It just is. I was too tired to look at the mess.

          If I had been home I would have not only put the girls to bed but I would have been making plans with the babysitter, while doing the dishes, while helping the kids with their homework, after which I would be directing them to bathe and dress. It sounds so boring but these routines keep my sanity.

 

We do have a lot going on and tomorrow when he goes to work who's left with the mess?

          So I have been thinking on this more and more and I am torn. I think I should have more brownie moments. Maybe I was a little envious of his? How could he sit there in a clutter filled, sink piled kitchen and just be with the kids. They were having fun. He was present and seemed undistracted. There must be a balance in there somewhere.
          Work, yes this marriage is work. Instead of freaking out I had to think about it for days and realize there might be value in the brownie mess. Annoying!!!
          Day to day there are the little things. The brownie mess is one story among many. In this story he made me crazy and I didn't say much. The two times I locked my keys in my car at Costco I am sure I made him a little crazy and he didn't say much.
          It's give and take with the little things but it's also give and take with the big things in life. Our marriage has taken us on a path I would have never expected. Some of the things have been amazing and some of them have really left me wondering how marriage could be so much work!
          About a year ago I was confiding my worries and anxieties to a woman farther along in years than myself. Her children are closer to my age. It didn't have anything to do with Bret really. It was just life, but life falls hard on relationships. She told me that one of her biggest regrets from when her kids were at home was that she didn't have enough fun with her husband. They were so busy taking care of the kids they didn't enjoy each other.
          That was some of the best advice I've gotten. Whenever we can manage we watch movies and eat candy in bed, we go for walks, or we go out to dinner. The other day we went on a date with Cutie and it was great. It's fun to pretend we only have one pretty well behaved (in public) toddler.
          Bret and I have something pretty special. It's not perfect. It's nothing like the movies. We don't make it look easy. We don't always agree but we never yell. We both try to put the other before ourselves. We have the same values. We have the same dreams. We have this crazy little family and each day is a new adventure. I am sure we have many more twist and turns that are unpredictable, but I am excited about what the future holds. Fingers crossed there won't be many more sets of keys locked in my car at Costco:)
         

Vacation

          What is a vacation? Hawaii with the husband? Disneyland with the family? A good old fashioned camping trip? Driving to Oregon with 5 kids and no husband? Oh yes! The Oregon choice. That was my 'vacation' this summer.
         Even to myself this idea sounds crazy. The next thought is always, what kind of husband do I have? I am always making these Oregon trips alone. I have a husband who has one of those pesky jobs and he never ever seems to get vacation time in the summer.
          Now that the kids are getting older I can't just pull them out of school for two weeks. In 3rd grade I had Bret out for a week and a half when Dad was sick and, I will admit it to you all, he failed a test because of me. I don't in any way regret the choice to take him out to see his Grandpa. I only regret my complete lack of ability to explain math concepts. I can do the math, but teaching it is another story. Let's just add that to the long list of reasons I love public school!
          The choices are tromp across California and Oregon with 5 kids alone or wait until Bret gets some vacation days and pull the big kids out of school for over a week and let all 3 of them be homeschooled on a road trip with me as their teacher (barf). It had already been a year since I was at Mom's house. I really do enjoy going there. Plus Seaside is actually pretty fun in the summer.
          When the big 3 were little I spent hours packing and planning. I would make goodie bags with toys. I would put together great treat bags. We would have new books and movies and the ever-popular workbooks. I made my list and I checked it twice.
          That enthusiasm is so gone! I did buy Mary some makeup and Cutie a singing book. I did charge a decent number of devices. I got myself an audio book. I bought snacks and dumped them into a big tub to avoid pit stops.
         The old me would have had guilt about some of these choices. Shouldn't I be making cherished childhood memories here? They should have their special bags and we should be singing and playing car games. No way, no how!
          The first day we drove to Redding. That is about 5 hours away from our house. I reserved a hotel room and promised the kids swimming. Taking them all swimming didn't seem like the best idea. I went down really having no idea how I was going to watch them all. Wild child Mary had a life jacket on as I assumed she was most likely to hurl herself in without warning. It actually turned out just fine. The big three have basic swimming and belly flopping skills so they were having a great time. Mary hated the cold water and would only stick her feet in the hot tub and Cutie wanted nothing to do with the water. She chased a ball around a small grass square in the corner most of the time. Best of all when it was time to leave they all listened! On more than one occasion aqua man Jackson has suddenly been unable to hear my repeated calls to get out of the pool. There is just so much water in his ears. Not that lucky day though. He got out and even helped usher the littles out of the pool area.
         The evening went well. I pushed one stroller and Jackson pushed the other. Bret and Chloe held open all the doors and helped drag luggage. We received a lot of questioning looks. People can't figure out who we are. These kids cannot possibly all be mine, they seem to say. Most of the time I simply smile and keep walking. Let them wonder!
         The next day we made it to Mom's. Grandma's is always a fun place for the kids. She has an old dog Ginger the kids love to chase around. The main thing is that Grandma is there and she bought good sugar cereals for the week. The kids are set!
         It was lovely to have Mary wander into Mom's room during those early wake-up hours. As impossible as is sounds, I did get a bit of a break. I fit in a run, I ate at Norma's, and for one week I wasn't responsible for running a household.
         The kids all did as well as they possibly could have. Bret spent a lot of time playing with his cousin Kemper. In fact, when we got home, I had to make a point of hanging out with him. I hardly saw him during our time away. Chloe cuddled with her Grandma most nights and had a slumber party with her Nana and the dogs at the Shilo one night. Jackson went to work with Grandma two evenings and well he did play on his iPod a lot. Mary tortured Ginger and snuggled with her Aunt Heidi. Cutie had the best behavior she has ever had there. She was in a new place, with new people, and sleeping in a strange room. She napped well and seemed to enjoy all the family and kids rotating through the house.
          It took us such an unreasonable amount of time to pack up from the hotel I decided not to stop on the way home. It is more work to stop than to keep driving. The way there was about fun, but the way home was just about getting home. We stopped for gas twice, but the kids only got out at the first gas stop. They were troopers and we made the trip in less than 14 hours.
         The time went too quickly and as always I was sad to leave my mom. I am kind of a baby! It probably wasn't a totally relaxing vacation but it was an adventure. Upon returning home, I didn't even vow to never do it again although I do plan on waiting a while. It could be a while before the car airs completely out!

The Wild Child!

          I had always wondered if you really love an adopted child the same as your biological children. When my bio children were younger I couldn't help but question if I could love another child as much. I thought I could and I hoped I would but I didn't really know.
          We waited for what seemed like years for our adoption placement. In reality it was less than a year but it seemed like forever. Then we got a call from our adoption agency. They wanted us to prayerfully consider a baby girl that had been presented to them. I say prayerfully because she had so many medical issues it was unreal.
          I knew it was kind of crazy but I really believed this little girl would be our daughter. I was afraid to be excited. I was afraid it wasn't really Gods plan and that it was just my heart jumping all in as I tend to do.
          The baby named Jamie had cystic fibrosis, she had hearing loss, she had some muscle issues, and they were not overly encouraging that she would develop normally. Her current foster family wanted her placed with a stay at home parent and a parent in the medical profession. Perfect right?
          I would like to be able to tell you that in my heart I wanted to put myself aside and care for this child. The choice to adopt was never that for me. I love kids and I wanted another one! This wasn't the child I expected to come to our family. I really thought a fit throwing 2 year old was our future but that wasn't our path.
          About a year ago I was reading an article on when and how adoptive parents attached to their babies. Some had a hard time and felt guilty and others attached and fell it love right away. It got me thinking about the way I came to love our little girl. No longer Jamie but my little Mary.
          When I met Mary she lived with an amazing foster family. The parents specialized in babies with medical issues. I was blown away by the way they cared for Mary and by the way they welcomed me into their home. For over a week I came to their house every day and spent the day walking, rocking, feeding, and giving breathing treatments to our soon to be daughter. There in that living room under the glow of a beautiful Christmas tree fell in love with Mary. I didn't even know it at the time.
          In the beginning it was so stressful with all of her appointments and doctors visits. I made mistakes and I struggled to learn about a health and education system that I didn't realized existed. Every specialty believes that their treatments and issues are the most important. Every special education teacher or clinic wants the child preforming at a standard I consider to be pretty high. My biggest job as her mom has been to sort this all out. Her cystic fibrosis is the most important. It turns out that her type of cystic fibrosis is pretty mild. When she has any illness in her chest we have to be careful but she is doing wonderfully.
          Probably the most comical thing that I have been told was when she was a baby. I had an occupational therapist tell me that he had concerns about her movement and that she may never walk. Okay! He totally got me there. Mary doesn't walk. Mary runs, jumps, skips, crawls, twirls, and prances but walking, not so much.
          He medical life is part of her but not all of her. There is so much more. I get to look at her and wonder what parts of herself she was born with and what parts she learned from our family. It doesn't matter at all I just wonder. Like if she lived with a calm family would she still be running around like a crazy lady and jumping of everything in sight? Did we teach her that? Would she crawl around in parking lots pretending to be a cat? Would she get that little impish smile when she is busy doing exactly what I told her not to do if she didn't live with us? It doesn't matter. I just wonder.
          Mary has developed into a spitfire of  a little girl. She pushes the limits, she is fast, and at times sneaky. She is a downright a bad influence for Baby Cutie! She is also fun. She smiles all the time and loves to sing. She is pretty good with nail polish. Oh wait... That was a big mess. She is totally exhausting but also amazing.
          So this summer as she continually wakes me up before 5:30 I will try to remember that she is great. Well really I am thinking that next summer she will almost be 5. So lets say she is going to do this awful early wake up thing next summer like she is this summer and did last summer, isn't nearly 5 old enough to have a little independence? Or if there is still a lack of motivation to be alone in the morning perhaps she will want her big sister or brothers during the wee hours instead!
         When I look at Mary now I don't see a child that feels like anything but my own. I know she is adopted and our plan is to be open with her about it but she belongs in our family. She always belonged in our family.

          This is a picture of Mary having a breathing treatment. It is a routine thing in our home. She has them once a day as a preventative measure. She has been having them since she was an infant but most of the days when she gets them she still acts like it is killing her. There is kicking, screaming, and drooling. Today I tried it a new way. I had her help me set it up and we put the medications in together. She did great for a few minutes and then she started to freak out as usual. She started to scream for Chloe so Chloe being the compassionate sister she is came to sit with her. It was crazy! Mary sat with her sister and did her entire treatment. I actually went into the kitchen to do the dishes. It could be the start of something wonderful or it could be a cruel trick of Mary's and tomorrow we will be right back to the flailing and drooling!

Oh no! I just went out to the living room to get my phone cord. After Mary and Chloe had done such wonderful bonding today I decided maybe Mary was ready to have her first sleep over. I was so so so very wrong! She is bouncing off the walls and the sofa sleeper. I think I am in for a long evening. Wish me luck!

Missing The Littles!

          Oh the joys of motherhood. I am so blessed to be a stay at home mother. I spend my days basking in the love of my children. They are thankful and polite and so I am. I love to make them healthy meals and they gobble them up praising my creative recipes. We like to keep things orderly. Before you can get another toy out you must put the first one back. In the morning the children bounce into the kitchen dressed and ready for the day. I sing songs of praise to wake them and my little angels glide out of bed.

 

Okay none of that was true.

          We have been in the chaos of moving. It has been a job and a half. Luckily I have had a lot of help with the kids. The three big kids were in a full day vacation bible school program last week and the little two got a lot of time with our babysitter and her family. In fact I am pretty sure Mary wants to move in with them!
         My in-laws (gasp) are here helping. Just kidding! No gasp. I have actually love my in-laws. Fancy that! We have had help with the kids and help moving. It has been as good as it could possibly be.
         My normal days are jammed packed with my kids. It's not usually the same child all day but during the school year it rotates from getting the big kids to school, getting the little two ready for the day, running around with the little two (ick!), getting the big kids from school, homework (with the little two yelling), dinner, getting the little two to bed, chores with the big three, reading with Jacko, and then into bed. It doesn't stop there either. The big three are like a revolving door of issues in the evening. Mom does this tooth feel loose? I think it's a big one. Mom where is my lunch box? Mom I know it's 9:30 but can you put my clothes in the dryer when the washer stops? Really there isn't any time to myself unless I have my beloved Jasmine the babysitter over.
         I am not bitter about this. I have five kids and I did actually choose to have them. It can be annoying obviously but it's the way things are. I tried to tell them I was off duty at 8 but they just keep coming in!
          During all this moving craziness I didn't have my kids much. If you have children or have ever seen a child I am sure you can understand that moving and packing with any amount of them at any age 10 or under is just not helpful. Even if they are trying they are still in the way.
         The first day or maybe two or three I was enjoying my freedom to come and go like a normal unhindered human. Then something happened I didn't expect. I started to miss them!
         As a stay at home mom missing the kids is a rare rare thing. How can you miss kids that are always around? In my case it's not always the same child next to me but there is always a child next to me. It's not that you don't love them. It's just that they are ALWAYS right there. It was nice to miss them.
         Mom life is all consuming and often I forget to relax. Who has time for that?!? Don't worry I haven't actually been doing that but my time without them made me want to spend more time with them.
         Usually getting up with baby Cutie and Mary is a chore but today I liked it. Well not so much the 5:30 part but after I perked up with a cup of coffee I found myself enjoying watching Mary balancing on the railing of her bed and Cutie jumping up to cover us with blankets and snuggling in. As the bigger kids started staggering out of bed I caught some cuddles and laughs. I think perhaps we all have missed one another.
         In a few days or a month I cannot promise I will feel the same, almost certainly I will not. Not that I won't be able to enjoy them but I am very sure I won't have had another chance to miss them.   Hopefully in January I can miss them again. Bret and I are planning a vacation and mission Nana (Linda) and Grandma (Beth) will be launching here in the Millar home. I can't wait! A vacation is a more fun reason to be missing the kids than hours and hours of packing and hauling. Ohhhh but I do love our new place!



PS! Chloe's butt picture has nothing to do with this blog. I wanted to put it on a few blogs ago and she freaked. It's 12:09 am. She is sleeping now! HAHAHA to her:)

 

 

 

The Poo Shoe!

        





         You know when you get dog poo stuck to the bottom of your shoes? There are always those few areas where it is impossible to get it out of the treads. That's how I felt about my parents during my middle school and early high school years. I just couldn't seem to get rid of them.
        It started when I was young. I know mom is to blame. She was always volunteering in my classrooms. She had personal relationships with my teachers. She even became friends with the principle and we drove her daughters to ballet class. When mom didn't come to school one Thursday in second grade Lara asked where she was. Even then I found this embarrassing.
        When I was in seventh grade we moved to Seaside. It was a new life and a new school. I was in middle school. There was no need for my mom to hang around but there she was. Oh yes she was. She didn't work in my class but worked in the resource room with the 6th graders. Why oh why?
         As if bothering me during school hours wasn't enough Mom and Dad both managed to come to all of my track meets, basketball games, and volleyball games. During that time I wanted to ride the bus with my friends and pretend I didn't have parents.
         When time to start high school came I was nervous and excited. I also knew my mom would be close behind. She would find a way to be around while I was doing my best to avoid her.
Sure enough she was. She worked in the counselors office filing scholarship papers. People saw her there. Juniors and seniors saw her! How embarrassing!
         We were still in the same place with the afterschool activities. Mom and Dad came to all of them and most of the time they had my rag-a-muffin niece Shade with them. Geeze! Okay, you got me, I did kind of like it when Shade came.
         My dad started to take an interest in my running. What that meant to me was he spent time talking with my coach. He kind of plotted about the other girls in the district and he bought me special vitamins. The best part was that before every race day we had pasta. Since I was the runner it was always the kind of pasta I liked. Never ever the kind that Amber liked. Sorry I digress.
         So..... These pesky parents! I just couldn't shake them. They always knew who I was with. They insisted on knowing what we were doing. They also knew all the kids at school, the staff at school, and the people I spent time with in my spare time.
         Perhaps I should have noticed that my parents were going out of their way and spending their own time investing in my life. Yeah right! That is not the way kids think.
         I did however learn to use my mom being around school once a week to my advantage. I got the idea from Evan Wickersham. His parents both worked at school. When I had his mom for Child Development I noticed he was always there. He was on to something. When mom was on campus I began to pop in to say, "Hi!" When I was there I wouldn't mind grabbing a couple dollars for a snack or having her sign a permission slip I forgot to bring home.
        From there things got better. I was becoming more comfortable with myself and school so having my parents around wasn't all bad. They are nice people and I did begin to see more clearly that not everyone got to have their parents around. I started to realize that I might be a little tiny bit lucky.
          My all time favorite memory of my parents at school was a Sadie Hawkins Dance. The dance committee decided to have marriages and asked my parents if they would officiate them. My parents stationed themselves in the corner of the cafeteria. Mom wore her cute jean jumper dress and dad wore his cowboy boots. The boots he wore my entire childhood but had opted out of during my older years for more comfortable tennis shoes. I love those boots.
          By the end of high school I enjoyed having my parents around. They weren't pushy. They didn't get involved in my social life. They were simply there.
          I think we all try to recreate the best part of our parents. I sure do. I can't spend as much time in each class as my mom did but I am doing my best.
         We are lucky. My kids go to a great school. There is a lot of parent involvement. The place I enjoy being is in the classroom. I like getting to know the kids, seeing what they are working on in class, and getting to know their teachers.
          As the kids get older the teachers seem to use parent help less. Bret was in fourth grade this year. The classroom help options were to make copies or help with math. Since the math they do would require me to study I went with the copies. His teacher greeted me with a smile and some kids gave me a nod but my sweet little Bret didn't even acknowledge me. I could be mad but I'm not. I am the poo stuck in the tread of his shoe!
         I didn't really work in Chloe's class this year. I was in and out for parties and field trips but I didn't have a regular slot of class time each week. Chloe's grade I know very well.
        The last week of school Chloe forgot her Brownie binder. When I brought it up to class I was immediately hugged by two boys. Adrian Flores and Zach Watkins rushed up and gave me a big squeeze. Bret won't look at me but these boys hug me!
         On Thursdays Mary had speech therapy at the school. I had to high tail it out of there if I didn't want to be run down by second grade girls. These girls are great. They are always full of smiles and mischief and guess who loves each and every one of them?!? Mary! She knows so many of them and upon seeing them she will twist free of my grip to join them at recess.
          Chloe can't resist running down the stairs she isn't allowed to go down for just one more hug. Maybe I am more like rainbow gum or laffy taffy stuck in her shoe. We all know she would pick it out and eat it.
         Jackson oh Jackson. When I am in his class I just can't shake him. If I am working with other kids he also needs to be right beside me. He doesn't really need my attention. He just wants to be sitting closest to me. It used to annoy me but his teacher didn't have a problem with it so why should I? In this case it's more like I am a bumble bee struggling to get away from this kid and his shoe that seems to be stalking me. Most of the time Mrs. Werner was there to set me free.
         Mary and Cutie are little. They can't shake me yet. I don't think they can understand that they might want to. Hopefully if Chloe keeps up the good example of enjoying me in her shoe the little girls will follow her lead.
         I am already plotting what I will do in the middle school. Should I start the year before Bret goes or wait until he gets there? I wonder where they hide all the nosey Aptos parents in middle school? I can't wait to find out....
         I am lucky to be able to be a part of the kids school life. I hope to always be 'around'. I don't want to meddle or snoop. I want to be in the background. Maybe they will appreciate it but more than likely they won't. Good news for me being a mom isn't about being appreciated.
                                          Perhaps that will happen when they become poo on their child's shoe.