Grandpa!

       "Grandpa, Grandpa?" Mary muttered from the back seat of my parents car. A few tears slid down and I was thankful Mom was in the store paying for gas. I distracted Mary with the trees outside and quickly wiped my cheeks.
       It was the day after my dad passed away. I didn't know if Mary would notice his absence. She hadn't been to Oregon many times but Grandma was there so she expected to see Grandpa also.
       I was sad that she missed him. I was sad that I knew it wouldn't last. She was only two. Their time together had been so short.
       The reality is that all of my children are young. My oldest was 9 when Dad passed away. He has memories but even his memories aren't totally sticking and Dad was pretty sick for a while. What he remembers is cuddling up and watching shows and the time they snuck out for root beer floats. That's still good stuff!
         I was so close with my Dad. I couldn't have my children growing up without knowing who he was. So I tried to mimic how Dad had shared about Grandaddy (his dad) with us. He would tell us his stories and jokes. I know Grandaddy was a kind and funny man. I know his favorite grandchild was whichever one happened to be on his lap. For years when we drove past his grave we said, "Hi Grandaddy!" Oftentimes Dad would say he loved him. It was always so happy. Never sad. Those were the types of memories I wanted to create. I started working in a lot of stories about Dad with my kids. I did my best to avoid tears.
         As the one year of missing Dad began to approach I started to backslide a little. There were lots of tears. I was texting a friend and sharing my sadness with her. I loved her response and it has helped me see more clearly the way God can use a person forever and ever. She said she understood why everything could be sad but was it possible that I could use the day to celebrate his life instead?
         That's all it took. Of course Dad wouldn't want me falling apart once a year for the rest of my life. What would he want me to do? Well the official name for the day is now, "Grandpa Day!" This year for Grandpa Day we ate all Grandpa's favorite foods. We ate nectarines, smoked salmon, watermelon, and don't forget the choco tacos! It may change every year or maybe we will just stick with the foods. It really doesn't matter.
        So that was that. I wanted to pass along who Dad was to my kids and now I had a plan. I continued to tell stories and we now have a holiday. What more could you need? Nothing is better than the real thing but I am trying to make the best of it.
        Now here we are in June. Well a few weeks ago I decided that we just must go out to eat as a family. Baby Cutie and Mary aren't exactly restaurant trained so it was a risk. Bret usually isn't up for these types of adventures but he sucked it up for me. I wanted my family time darn it!
         Everything was going pretty well. Then my salad arrived. The three older kids started looking around and sniffing as though there was a dead animal under the table. "What is that horrible smell?" asked Chloe. I shot her the evil eye and told her not to be rude. Then I looked over at Jackson. His nose was plugged and his eyes were kind of rolling back in his head. He actually looked like he may throw up as he was gasping for breaths of fresh air that could not be caught. I glanced at my salad and took a nice long whiff and realized that in one wonderful way I have become my dad!
         I could never understand his need to get a big gross salad with that nasty dressing. If I couldn't stand to sit next to him and smell it how could he ingest it. Gross!!! Here I sat with my salad putting my children through the very same torture and it wasn't even planned. I relented and let the bigger kids go over to the table next to the window for some fresh air.
         I am only now beginning to realize that Dad is so much a part of who I am that I don't need to worry that the kids won't know who he is. They will always know him as long as they know me. It's the best when I catch them doing things that he did and it happens more than one would think! Love you Dad!