When did it all change?

What happened to me?

Where did my striving to be perfect fail?

His name is Jackson, Jackson James Millar!

 

 

          It started out oh so sweet. Bret my mild mannered first child. Did I ever worry he would run away in a parking lot? Nope, not that boy. He stood beside the car patiently waiting for my hand. When it was time to leave the toy store were there fits? Nope, not that boy. We waved bye to all those lovely trains and we went on our way. Did I ever worry he would lose control and hurt another child? No, not that boy. Because he wouldn't even put himself in the line of fire. While all the other boys were downstairs whopping each other on the heads with swords my sweet little boy was upstairs hanging out with the girls and eating his well balanced snack. Wow, I must be super wonderful at this parenting stuff!

 

Next came Chloe.

A little wild? Yes!

 A bit spunky? Perhaps!

 All about keeping up with the boys? Oh-ya!

 

Maybe a few instances during toddlerhood she threw a fit or two.

A real fit? No!

Wow, I don't know what the big fuss is about? I am still pretty great at this parenting stuff!

 

          A third biological child was never the plan but the plan it became. We had always intended to adopt after the first two but we changed our minds. What the heck? How about one more?!?

 

          Then came Jackson. My sweet sweet Jackson. He started off easy. He went to bed at 8 from the time he was a newborn. He was a good eater. He fit right in. I totted him all over in the early days.

 

          Even though it was going well I was starting to get tired. Even relatively well behaved small children can leave you yearning for the days of a full nights sleep, time for a run, or heaven forbid an outfit that stays clear of baby food, poo, pee, or the smell of sour spit up. Life was busy while at the same time pretty under control.

 

          The next step for our family was a big one. We lived in our hometown Seaside Oregon. I love all the comforts of home. We enjoyed walks on the prom, good friends, Dairy Queen, and most of all the support of my parents. I treasure the memories of loading the kids up and heading over to get dilly bars and banana milk shakes with my dad and then continuing the walk up to the photo shop to visit mom. There is oh so much to be said for a strong family.

      

          This time it was Bret's turn. His dream life wasn't in Seaside. We talked and we prayed and we moved. We moved to a place I have come to love. Just outside of Santa Cruz in the town of Aptos. Don't worry, we have still managed to land ourselves in a very nice fog bank:)

 

          As we are settling in and trying to establish our family in a new area I began to notice changes. My now 18 month old Jackson seems to be losing his mind. How did this happen? It was then that I realized that thing Chloe did when she rolled up in a ball and cried and then began to suck her thumb was in fact not a fit.

 

          My child even under this oh so perfect parenting is no longer thriving. He is clearing my coffee table of papers in a fit of rage. Opening all the caps of the yogurt and dumping them out. At hearing the word, "no" he would tailspin into throwing himself on the floor while kicking, screaming, hitting, spitting, or biting.

 

          Spank him you say? Seems simple enough. A good spanking will draw the line in the sand. Law down the law. I am the queen of this castle. Alas it wasn't that easy. For a child that could throw a real fit he had absolutely no change when spanked. As a parent hardly clinging to sanity myself is it a good idea to be "spanking" my child when by the time I get to that point I also feel very out of control? My thoughts...... Probably not!

 

          I went to friends, family, and the ever helpful internet. Oh all the ideas sounded to great when they were explained. Take a toy away. No means no. A cold glass of water will startle him into listening. Time out. The happy chair. A time in. Take him on a date. Create a routine. Restrain him. Talk to him on his level. Have you tried a reward system? I am not discounting any of these ideas. I am sure they have all worked at different times and I heard every strategy listed here multiple times. It's just that they didn't work! I know what you're thinking. Maybe you didn't stick to one strategy long enough. I can assure you that I did.

 

          Just because we have a fit throwing 2 year old life doesn't stop. Chloe still has a birthday and what is a birthday without the Bruno clan? Do you know what Chloe would just love? The Children's Museum in San Jose.

 

          Away we went. The line was a little crazy. Not because it was long but because the kids were SO excited. The day seemed to pass without any drama. We played with bubbles, made corn husk dolls, and ran around like the pack of wild children they were.

 

          Then it was time to go. For the life of me I can't remember what even set the little crazy off? Shoes maybe? So as we were collecting all the kids and heading out old faithful flips.

 

          Now we aren't talking about the kind of flip out where you can drag the kid through the store by an arm. No we are not! It was a flopping and howling fit. At this time, in this very public place it didn't even phase me. I maneuvered Jackson and I over to a relatively empty area and held him tightly. I don't know how long we sat there but we sat there until he stopped. I remember feeling empowered. I wasn't empowered because I was the perfect parent but because I was Jacksons parent. I accepted that my child isn't perfect and I am not either. Shocking I know! All I can do is my best. Jackson has allowed me to learn more and dig deep. He has shaken my confidence. Is that bad? I think not. Probably the hardest issue that has come with my parenting of Jackson are the judgments from other people.

 

          Would I prefer that my child didn't cling to my leg and try to chase me to the parking lot after I worked in his class? Yes, yes, yes! It turns out you can't fully control other people, even a child. I do my best to direct him and I do follow through.

 

          The coolest thing about Jackson and his hot and cold personality is that all you have to do to be adored by him is treat him kindly and love him. As I look up after a long day at school what do I see? I see a toothless boy wearing high water jeans running down to hug me.